As spring becomes warmer and the days grow longer, I find myself getting out to enjoy the weather. We all know that Oregon spring means sunny and warm one day and wet and cold the next; if we don’t get out while it’s nice, the opportunity is lost, quite possibly forever. And this spring, more than others, my adventures outside have revealed an alarming fact: Sandy is turning into a ghost town.
Actually, it’s not THAT alarming. When I was little I imagined it’d be extraordinarily awesome to live in, well, a town themed after the Old West. I wanted to walk on sidewalks of wooden planks shaded by large overhangs and I wanted the businesses to have swinging saloon doors for entrances.
The fantasy began years ago, during a family trip to southern California. For whatever reason, we ended up in a city that had a section styled after the Old West. Railroad tracks even cut through town and disappeared between buildings. I fell instantly in love with the idea and attempted to write a novel set in a modern day Old West town. I had more fun describing the town than anything else—which probably accounts for the novel’s stunning failure. Well, that I was in middle school and, when undertaking large projects, had the general attention span of a celery stick.
Sandy has taken my fantasy to the next level. With an extensive network of empty business fronts, the city nearly screams ghost town. Further enhancing the illusion is the downtown strip that looks EXACTLY like the Old West: Heritage Square, Clackamas County Bank, the county health clinic/dry cleaners building, the liquor store, and No Place Saloon and its adjoining businesses. Even Beaverbrooke Dental’s newly finished exterior feels perfectly in place with the Old West theme running throughout downtown Sandy. These buildings’ architectural style, coupled with the empty windows looking out on Pioneer and Proctor Boulevards definitely suggests Sandy is heading the way of once-prosperous gold-mining towns.
But that’s okay! I know how to save Oregon’s newest ghost town. Using Oatman, Arizona as my template, I offer you my plan. First, you should know that Oatman is a genuine ghost town located on the original Route 66. Wild burros roam the cracked streets and visitors can buy bags of carrots to feed the burros, despite the warning signs that state the burros are, in fact, wild animals and as such should be treated with all due respect. The best way to respect the burros is to stay at least 100 yards away, unless of course you’re carrying a multi-pound bag of their favorite treat. If the burros see you carrying fresh carrots, they will forego their wild animal roots and abstain from trampling you to the ground.
So, all Sandy has to do is import some wild burros to roam the streets and send the occasional tumbleweed down Proctor Boulevard. This will attract tourists who will pay top dollar to buy carrots for the burros, and with these tourism dollars we can regenerate Sandy’s business life. I know I’d really appreciate it because, frankly, I’m getting a little tired of walking down the main drag and seeing empty reader boards shine pale white light aimlessly into the night.